Journies of a Modern Day Mama

Kids-1, Mom-0

2011-04-13T14:20:00.002-04:00

Today is my first day alone with all 3 children. I can't say it's gone swimmingly. The day started early, very early.
The pros of the day thus far: The kids are all fed. I managed to give the older 2 both breakfast and lunch, on time to boot. Kathryn has also been fed. I've gotten a load of laundry done. I managed to call the lab that delivered the first wonderful medical bill from Kathryn's first few days of life to straighten out insurance information. This is about it.
The cons of the day thus far: As I mentioned, the day started early. Kathryn and I got to bed at about 11:30 last night. She woke up at 2 am to eat, and we were back to sleep by 2:30 am. However, she was back up at about 3 am, and up she stayed, until about 4:30. I put her in her bed next to ours and I literally couldn't even doze off before Madelyn started calling for me. I realized my daughters must be telepathically connected, and message each other to tag team me. This is not the first time they have switched on and off with waking the night. I finally got back to sleep around 5 am, and Kathryn woke up once more at 5:30, right as my husband's alarm for work was going off. It was at this point that I burst into tears. Not just a few tears of frustration, but full on sobs, as I choked out to Adam that I was so tired. It was then that the bad parent in me decided to keep PJ home from school today. My 6 yr old has to be up at 6:30 am to get ready for school. This was just too early for me. He was home sick yesterday and today was a half day for him, so I figured I'd keep him home instead of dragging myself and all 3 kids out of the house at 7 am to take him to school for 4 hours.
It didn't buy me much more sleep, and Madelyn was up calling for me at 8 am, in turn waking PJ. After waking, I fed Kathryn and pumped, and when pouring the milk into a storage bag, it tipped over, spilling roughly 4 oz of milk on the counter. Whoever said don't cry over spilled milk did not spill breast milk.
While I was making breakfast, Madelyn did her business in her diaper. She is getting to the point where she knows she doesn't want to sit in her business, so instead of telling me, she just took her diaper off in PJ's room and climbed up on his bed. Half of her diaper load stuck to her butt, so she managed to get poop all over PJ's bed. These are the big cons, aside from the normal little hitches, like both kids coming to me and asking me for something while I'm nursing the baby.

So I think it's safe to say they have already beaten me for the day. 7 pm and quitting time for Adam can't come soon enough.

The Wonders of Breastfeeding

2011-04-13T13:54:00.003-04:00

I'll admit it, as attached and hands on as I consider myself, I've never breastfed one of my kids. Chris was premature and couldn't latch, I pumped for a couple of weeks and then quit. With PJ I really had no desire. I felt tied down by it, like it wasn't for me. I was a little more motivated with Madelyn, and nursing went well for the first 2 days, but she had jaundice and her numbers got pretty high. She was lethargic and was readmitted to the hospital for another 2 days. To help get rid of it, she needed to eat, but she was too tired to eat from the breast. I pumped and she started with the bottle. Her bili levels took over a week to go down, and by the time she was better, she was quite happy with the ease of the bottle. I pumped for her for about 3 months until I couldn't take it anymore. I never worked hard to get her to latch again, I probably could have gotten her back on, but in my mind, I still saw breastfeeding as being tied to the baby.
This time I wanted to give it more of a shot. I was serious about it this time, even though I still dreaded the feeling of being tied to the baby. Not being able to have my husband give a feeding or two in the night. Not being able to go too far from her. But I gave it a shot, and my opinions have changed, big time.
I love breastfeeding. I'm blessed that things are going really smoothly. Kathryn latches well, I have a decent supply, and she seems to have no issues with things I eat. She doesn't spit up and is gaining weight well. The best part, I don't feel tied to her. I'm actually loving the time I get with her. I love that I am feeding her and doing well at it. I love being so close to her and having that connection. I love how peaceful she is, and how when she is done, she curls right and sleeps cuddled next to me. I was so wrong about how I would feel with breastfeeding, but so glad I really gave it a shot.

After a Hiatus

2011-04-13T13:32:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile since I posted. On March 29, 2011, we welcomed another beautiful baby girl into our family. My pregnancy went perfectly for once and I carried my first full term baby. In fact, I was pregnant over 2 weeks longer than my previous longest pregnancy, and Kathryn Grace was born at 39 weeks and 3 days. It was by far my smoothest pregnancy and labor/delivery, which was a welcome change after birthing a baby on the bathroom floor at home, as I did with Madelyn.
I chose to be induced, and the timing was just perfect. My mother was able to come in from St. Louis and get settled before she arrived, and she was able to stay with our other children while we were in the hospital. My labor was a short 4 1/2 hours long, and pushing was once again a breeze. Everything went so smoothly and I could do no more than cry tears of joy as soon as she was born. She had a head full of dark hair, just like all of my other kids, and a perfect cry. She looks quite a bit like Madelyn, but she also looks very much like I did when I was born. She was over a pound bigger than any of my other children, tipping the scales at 8 lbs 7 oz. She's done so well, and it's so nice to have a full term baby with absolutely no problems.
I couldn't be more in love with her. I love all of my children, but for some reason, I've cherished every second of this ride so much more than any of my other kids. I cherished every moment of my pregnancy and even down to the end, I was comfortable where I was at. With my other kids, there was a sense of urgency, get them out, see what they look like, snuggle them. But not with Kathryn. The same goes for after birth. With my other kids, I couldn't wait until the got bigger, big enough to smile, coo, eat solids, talk, walk and so on. I always wanted things to hurry up. Not with Kathryn. I don't want her to grow. I am cherishing every day. Soaking in the softness and fragility of this tiny, helpless baby. I'm in no hurry to rush her to the next milestone. I kiss her and cuddle her, stroke her hair and her skin. She is perfect, she is beautiful, and she is my daughter.

Another Year

2010-11-30T09:11:00.002-05:00

Another birthday approaches. I guess it's just going to be one of those years where I just bury my head in the sand and try to ignore the day to the best of my ability. Chris' 8th birthday is coming up, 17 days away. Last year I loosely organized a toy drive in his memory, but this year, nothing. I'm just drained again this year, emotionally, and it makes me tired. My brain and my body just seem to shut down and it's hard to find the energy to devote to his memory. It makes me feel like an awful mother. I see other baby loss mothers pick themselves up and do something novel in the name of their baby, so their child's short life is always carried on. For some reason I'm not usually one of those mothers.
It seems like everyone else has forgotten Chris. There will be no phone calls, no balloons, no cakes in memory of. A few people may think of him through the day, family members, but that's about it. I may mention it on Facebook and that will elicit a response, but if I don't, he will likely go unmentioned. His angel day did this year. People just forget, it's life. But for me it's just a little extra pain. Not only did I lose him, but I can't even carry on his memory. I can't even manage to make sure people remember him or his life. Like he never existed. When someone dies, the way they live on is through their memory. And if his existence is buried in the back of peoples' minds, lost and untouched, I guess his short time on this planet was in vain. And I guess that means I failed as his mother. Another year, another birthday, another reminder of the pain and failure I have to carry with me, silently, for the rest of my life.

40 Weeks

2010-11-04T23:14:00.003-04:00

Well technically, 38 weeks, since nothing is really going on the first two weeks. But either way, 38-40 weeks. It seems like such a long time, especially to an expecting mother, but in the grand scheme of things, and in hindsight, it isn't that long of a time.
It's what happens in those 40 weeks that is absolutely amazing. Whether you think 40 weeks is forever, or just the blink of an eye, you have to admit that it is awe inspiring what happens in those 40 weeks. It all starts with two cells. Two tiny, microscopic cells come together. The chances alone of them coming together during a small window of time are already small as it is, just 25% for a woman in her prime child bearing years. The window of opportunity for the two to meet is so small. Once these two cells defy odds and come together, it's just magic after that. They divide, and two becomes four, four becomes either, and soon enough, something more than just a ball of cells takes shape. And in just 40 weeks, these two cells turn into a baby. A living, breathing gorgeous bundle of joy. It all seems so scientific, but when you really break it down and think about it, it's amazing. Some flowers only bloom once a year, and they are just flowers. But in less time, two tiny objects can come together and create perfection. I am nearly 19 weeks into my 40 weeks, and while this is my fourth child, it has yet to stop filling me with wonder. I don't think it ever will.

9/11: A New World

2010-09-11T21:34:00.002-04:00

Another anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is here. And as I do year after year, I stay glued to the stories and the videos of that day. It makes me want to cry every year, and the tears do well up in my eyes. The sights and the sounds, they are all things I can't forget, and honestly, they are things I never want to forget. I never want to forget each person who died that day, as I know their families never forget.
I watch every year. I watch the second plane fly into the south tower every year. I watch the desperate souls trapped in the buildings, waving their suit jackets and other articles of clothing out the windows, so high up. I watch the hopeless souls who knew they had no chances of rescue jump from the buildings and fall so silently through the air. I watch the fire trucks screaming towards the scene, and catch the brief glimpse of the faces of fire fighters, knowing that they have no clue that they are most likely on their way to their deaths. I watch police officers at the base of the towers, knowing that they will most likely suffer the same fate as the fire fighters. I watch the paper floating through the air, as if it's snowing. And then I watch the towers crumple, taking down thousands of innocent people with them.
I listen to phone calls to 911, from people trapped above the fires. They are desperate, and the dispatchers can offer them no advice. They sound cold but they know there is nothing that can be done. I listen to the sirens, rushing to rescue people, not knowing what lies ahead. I listen to screams and cries and the silence of those too stunned to do anything. I listen to the rush of the towers crumbling. I listen to the sound of the rescue chirps of the first responders among the rubble. So many chirps and noting else but smoke.
Today is not a day of recession. It is not a day of war. It is not a day of politics. Today is not a day of elections. Today is not celebrity gossip. Today is the day a new world was born. My children will never know life before this world. My children will read about this in their history books in school, but thank God they will not know of the things I watched, and the things I heard. And I thank God I only watched it on television. Today is a day of mourning, today is a day to reflect. Today is a day to pray, for those who lost their lives and for the families that live with missing them. Today is a day to remember. I know I will never forget, and I will never stop watching.

Trying to Catch Up

2010-09-07T08:33:00.002-04:00

I hate that I've neglected my little blog here, but since we moved, it's just one thing on a long list of things that have been pushed to the side and ignored. It hadn't been officially announced, but we are expecting once again. We're excited. I'm now over 10 weeks. And as sick as a dog. I've never been hit this hard in pregnancy before. Each pregnancy has gotten progressively worse, and this one takes the cake. I'm so grateful to be blessed with another pregnancy, and this very well may be the last baby for us, so I'm trying to take it slow and enjoy it, as well as enjoy my life as a mom of just 2 kiddos. But feeling this awful from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, not wanting to eat anything, and just feeling as nasty and sluggish as I do, I just want it to hurry up, so I can get past this point. Not only do I feel so sick all the time, but my energy and motivation is gone. I keep the house clean, the kids fed, and make sure the rest of my motherly duties are taken care of, but anything above and beyond is not on my radar. I used to love to get out of the house, go and do, even if it just meant Walmart. Now I dread needing to go to the store because it requires leaving the house. I'm just trying my best to tell myself that here in a few weeks I should start feeling better. I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

The Nomads

2010-08-02T21:16:00.003-04:00

I guess it's what you can call my family. We are currently in the process of moving. Again. In Feb 2009, 4 weeks after Madelyn was born, we moved from Missouri to North Carolina for my husband's job. I liked North Carolina. I made a lot of great friends, definitely preferred the weather, and really dug me some southern hospitality. Exactly one year later, in February of this year, they packed us up and shipped us up to Maine, or as I like to call it, Might As Well Be Canada. It was cold. I couldn't get my plants into the ground until June. We had nobody up here, except for one lone friend, and that just wasn't enough to keep my sanity in tact. Our taxes went up and our coats stayed on. Sure, I had lobster, and I do love lobster. I learned how to cook a live one and the guilt of killing these creatures quickly left my heart and mind. It has been an experience, and at least I can say I've lived here. But I can say that no more(thank heavens!). For the 3rd time in less than 2 years, we're packing up again and heading back south. The husband is taking a new job, and we're going back to North Carolina, this time for good. This time, we didn't have the luxury of his company coming to our house, packing everything, loading everything, and driving it all down for us. This time we had to do it ourselves. I can definitely say that's not something I ever want to do again. Currently we are holed up in a hotel, waiting to leave. We'll leave on Wednesday and get down there on Saturday. We're stopping in Ocean City, NJ, where my grandparents used to take me every summer when I was a kid. I love that place and want to share my fond memories of it with my kids. We're going to stop in Washington DC again, this time without a blizzard, more than a foot of snow, and having no choice but to stay in a $300 a night hotel a block from the White House.
I'm looking forward to being back "home". Having friends and a support system again. We've missed that up here, and we'll be glad to be back!

From Toss to Cloth

2010-07-25T22:16:00.002-04:00

Recently I was asked to guest blog on a cloth diapering website, and I was absolutely thrilled to share a bit about my journey to being an avid cloth diapering mama with my 3rd baby. It will be published in a couple of weeks, but I wanted to share it here first. Just a testament to the fact that it's never to late to learn all about the benefits of cloth, and it's never too late to switch(unless you have no children in diapers, and then yes, it sadly is too late lol)! So here it is!
When my first son was born in 2002, cloth diapers weren’t even on my radar. I never once gave them thought, and had only actually seen cloth once several years before, when my Aunt used them on my cousin. They were pins, prefolds and plastic pants. I naturally gravitated to disposable diapers and didn’t think twice about it.
The same story goes for my second child. By 2005, I’d seen a bit more about cloth, but not much. I may have come across the idea of cloth once or twice, but all I could think was “Ew, washing diapers, NO thank you! I‘ll just toss mine into the trash and be done with it.” I was not at all informed and chose the convenient method, so my 2nd son used disposable diapers all through his diaper-hood, until he was out of them. I hang my head in shame over this admission.
I admit, that when I became pregnant in 2008 with my 3rd child and first daughter, once again, cloth wasn’t even a thought in my mind. I fully intended to take the easy way out and use disposables once again. There was no way I would spend “all of the money” on cloth diapers, just to have to touch them, dump poop off, and wash them. And surely I would stick my child with the pins, because that’s all cloth diapers were(or so I thought). Things started evolving in my brain right after my little girl was born. I was instructed in the hospital to use disposable, dry wipes with just water, as regular wipes usually contained alcohol and could dry out the skin. This is the first time I’d heard such a thing, and immediately wanted nothing to do with disposable wipes. I had made friends who gave birth around the same time I did, and a few of them were using cloth wipes. I figured that would be great for my daughter’s skin and it would be a good way to save money. A pack of wipes a week costing a couple of dollars would save me a tiny chunk of money every month. I came up with my own way of making my own cloth wipes from a few of the dozens of receiving blankets we had. This was when I started seeing more about cloth diapers, and discovered they were not just the prefolds, pins and plastic pants anymore. I started looking at them a bit more, but after seeing the cost of one diaper, I didn’t think my husband would want anything to do with them. I left the thoughts as they were, in my head and nowhere else.
That was until out of the blue, when our baby was about 4 months old, my husband asked me why we didn’t use cloth diapers. We used cloth wipes, so why not diapers too? The choir of angels rejoiced around me. What I’d written off because I thought my husband would have nothing of was lying right in front of me, the door was open! I mean, as far as coming into contact with the things that come out of my child, I figured each of my children had peed and pooped on me on multiple occasions. Often I would be urinated upon at 2 am, and I would deem the amount on my clothes as insignificant, and not enough to warrant me taking the extra minute to change my clothing. So why should this be any different? So I set out to do my research.
All at once, I found a new world that was enlightening and overwhelming at the same time. First of all, I had the information regarding disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers. Chemicals, trash and money down the drain, oh my! I found a long list of chemicals I couldn’t quite pronounce that were in disposable diapers, chemicals that could cause cancer, reproductive problems, and other issues in children, chemicals that were banned in many other areas because they are toxic to humans, and they were all right next to my baby’s sweet skin. The incidence of diaper rash was so much higher with disposables. I thought back to some of the awful rashes my 2nd son had. I recalled the bleeding, the blisters, the $30 tub of diaper rash cream, and most of all, the pain he was in. The more I read, the more determined I was to give cloth a shot. There was all of the money I would save. Sure, a cloth diaper might seem expensive at $18, but when you compare the cost of a full stash to all that I would spend on disposables diapers over the course of possibly 2+ years until we were finished in diapers, there is a large difference. Score another point for cloth, because I really, really like extra money in my pocket. I mean REALLY like. And lastly there was the trash factor. Yes, I’d love to think that once the trash I put out is taken away by the truck, it disappears to a magical land, where it is gone forever, never to seen or dealt with by people again. But that’s simply not the case, and the paper diapers I was throwing away went somewhere. Somewhere where others left their paper diapers, and someday, we will deal with those diapers again. I didn’t want to hand all of that trash over to my kids and grandkids.
So there I was, set on walking through the door, into the world of cloth diapers. It took a bit for me to sift through all of the information about what kind of diapers to choose, but once I settled on my stash, and started using cloth on our daughter, I never looked back. The things I may get on my hands doesn’t bother me, that’s what soap and water is for. That extra load of laundry 2 times a week doesn’t bother me either. I discovered that cloth can be cute, it’s cheaper than disposables, it produces less trash, and I’m not putting all of those chemicals on my child, upping their chances of diaper rash and other scary things. I’m so happy with my decision, and we’ve been at it for over a year. We’re now expecting another baby, and it’s cloth all the way. I’m so glad I made this choice, and as they say, it’s better late than never.

A Name, A Face, A Story

2010-07-19T22:45:00.003-04:00

There are about 2,500 SIDS deaths each year in the United States. It is the leading cause of death in infants over the age of 1 month old.
Stillbirths occur in nearly 1 out of 115 births. There are approximately 26,000 stillbirths in the U.S. every year, after 20 weeks.
Nearly 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.
There are several other causes of death for a child, from premature birth, to chromosome disorders, to accidental death. All of these numbers, all of these statistics. But who are these women who endure the loss of their child. You may come across these women on message boards or even in real life, but with all of those numbers, it's easy for us to get lost in the sea of statistics. But we are mothers. Our pain is real. We are constantly missing our children. You may see us out in the street and you will never know the pain we carry. You may see us walking with our other children and see the perfect picture of a happy family. But you do not see the missing piece of us. You do not know that our life will always be incomplete.

A friend that I just recently met through the internet has put together a site to give us a voice, to put a face to the numbers. Her name is Kristen and a little over 2 months ago, she lost her baby girl, Stevie Joy. Stevie was stillborn at 26 weeks. She has jumped into the pool of grief head first, and is working so hard to make us feel no longer alone.
http://facesofloss.blogspot.com/
This is a site that tells our stories. It puts a face to loss. If you have suffered a loss, I encourage you to share your story(if you feel ok with it) and your photo. I did. I showed the world who I am, and showed them my pain. I'm not just a number.
If you have not suffered a loss, please take a look anyway. Meet the women you are so lucky not to be. Walk away with an appreciation and respect for what we live with day in and day out, and hopefully it will make you turn to your children, and hold them a bit tighter, because nothing should be taken for granted.

Like A Stone

2010-06-29T22:25:00.004-04:00

I'm usually not a believer when it comes to signs from above, or from the great beyond. I am pretty based in science, I like my Earthly facts. But sometimes things happen that just make me wonder.
I've been thinking about Chris lately. I seem to say that often. I guess I think about him a lot, well, a lot. Probably never stopped thinking about him a lot. Just something I carry with me, never speaking out loud about it. Well a reminder from the past came up today, and it brought Chris with it. I got to talking with some online friends and Chris was discussed. First time in awhile I've discussed Chris or my feelings about him in depth, even though it wasn't really all that in depth. I talked about not feeling much of a connection to the whole situation. When I picture Chris in my mind, the only thing I can picture in my head are pictures I have of him, that I've looked at hundreds of times, so many times that they eventually burned themselves into my memory. I can recall snippets of videos I've watched over and over. But actual Chris? Not much. Practically nothing at all. The only thing I can really recall is the way he looked the day he died. The way he looked in his bed when I knew something was wrong. And the way his face looked in the hospital when I first got to see him, and I knew he was gone. That's it. Certainly not things I'd like to recall.
I look at his pictures and I see a baby. I know he is my baby. I know he is dead. These are facts. But there aren't usually feelings connected to the pictures and connected to the facts. There are feelings I have connected to my loss. It hurts. I miss him. I hate the way this world is with babies dying. There are feelings, so I can't say that the hurt is gone or I don't miss him. But there is a large disconnect between the pictures and the memories and any feelings.
So that random blurb about my feelings aside, let me get onto the sign. I don't remember when, but sometime shortly after Chris died, a song came out that reminded me of him, a song by Audioslave called Like a Stone. It reminded me of him because part of the lyrics read "In your house, I long to be, room by room, patiently, I'll wait for you there, like a stone, I'll wait for your there, alone". I felt alone after he died and I felt like I was wandering. For some reason this song comforted me, because the words spoke to how I felt. I felt like I was wandering around, alone, and that I would wait for him patiently. And while I'm not alone anymore, and I'm not wandering aimlessly so much anymore, I will continue to wait for him. With this song coming out over 7 years ago, obviously it doesn't play on the radio too often anymore. So after talking about Chris publicly for the first time in months today, I ran to CVS really quickly after I put Madelyn to bed. And what song should come on the radio? Like a Stone of course. I sat and listened to it. I couldn't turn it off, because I felt like I would be turning Chris off. I felt like it was a sign from him. His way of saying he was still lingering. And maybe his way of telling me that he is waiting for me patiently, like a stone.

An Awesome Giveaway

2010-06-24T19:24:00.002-04:00

I just found out about an awesome giveaway over on the kamsnaps blog. The winner gets not 1, not 2, but 3 super awesome prizes! Up for grabs is a $25 gift certificate to their online store(which is great if you are like me and have fitted diapers without snaps, and have been looking for a way to add them yourself), a $25 gift certificate to http://www.squishylicious.com/(which features all kinds of fun tee-shirts), and best of all, a gorgeous Palm Beach pendant necklace by Philippe Ferrandis, which is worth a whopping $280. Seriously, it's amazing! You can enter here: http://kamsnaps.blogspot.com/2010/06/going-to-dogs-giveaway-280-philippe.html and there is another 4th price that will be added if there are over 700 entries, so go enter!

Cruisin'

2010-06-20T22:07:00.018-04:00

Adam and I finally got to go on our honeymoon. With our wedding being in St.Louis, he had to take a week off of work just for us to get married, so we had to put a bit of space between the wedding and our honeymoon. And almost 2 months after we were wed, we were off!
We chose a 7 day Carnival cruise to the Southern Caribbean on the Carnival Victory. We had some beautiful and not so beautiful stops. We left from San Juan, Puerto Rico. I can't say that's a place I'd ever like to visit again. I've heard some parts are great, but we didn't see any of those parts. What we did see scared us. We sailed to St. Thomas, Dominica, Barbados, St. Lucia, St. Kitts, and St. Maarten.
We loved St. Thomas and put it on our list of places to go someday. Gorgeous island, gorgeous beaches, and great shopping and food!

Dominica may have been nice, but we never got far enough in to see it. Within 100 yards of stepping off of the ship, we were swarmed with locals. They wanted to braid my hair, take us on a tour, sell us this or that, they were vicious. We went into one shop and bought one thing before deciding to return to the boat.

We also wouldn't know much about Barbados. It started raining within minutes of us coming into port. It rained, and rained, and rained a bit more. We got out during a 45 minute long break in the rain, did a bit of shopping and that was it.

St. Lucia was another gorgeous island. We signed up for a tour with an outside company(don't bother wasting your money with Carnival port excursions. They are over priced and you don't get to do much. There are plenty of larger tours that can be booked with locals, you do and see more, and for much less money) called Cosol Tours. They are relatively popular, and came highly recommended. We got to see the island, including drive into the Soufriere volcano(still active), we saw the Pitons, and even swam and snorkeled on the private beach between the Pitons. I was in geological heaven. We also got to sample a lot of local foods, including fresh bananas from the plantations we got to see. If you ever find yourself in St. Lucia, look up Cosol, you won't be disappointed!

St. Kitts was very nice as well. We didn't get onto the island much, we did a lot of shopping that day, but what we did see was gorgeous.

St. Maarten was our last stop, and they saved the best for last. What a gorgeous island! Crystal clear blue-green water, the land was sparsely populated and whe we got off the ship, not one single person came trying to sell us something. It was calm, and did I mention gorgeous? Definitely #1 on our list of places to go back to.

As for the cruise itself, it was meh. The food was not all that great, and our room seemed rather run down, with the sealing around the window peeling off. Our shower barely worked ad it was kind of like standing under a faucet. We talked with quite a few people and they all said that other cruise lines are better. We're thinking of a family trip next year, and trying out Disney's line. And now for a few random pictures...

To My Wonderful Husband on Father's Day

2010-06-20T22:03:00.003-04:00

I couldn't ask for more in a husband and a father for my children. You do so much for this family and words will never be able to do justice to everything you are. You are loving and attentive, hard working and caring, and we all love you more than you will ever know. Happy Father's Day Adam.

A Name

2010-06-16T20:26:00.003-04:00

What does a name mean to someone? Well, often times not much. It's what people call you, what your parents yelled at you as a child, seeing a name on a piece of paper usually doesn't mean much to people. But to me, a name is a sign of life. Of existence. A sign of being important to someone and loved. A name can live on the heart and in the mind of someone forever. Especially when it comes to your child's name.I don't have many tangible items from Chris, and the intangibles, the memories, have long since started to fade. My living children have never known him and will never know anything of him, except for the fact that he is their brother, he died, and he is the cute little baby in pictures. My husband never knew him, and doesn't understand what I carry with me. My family doesn't mention him much anymore. Even I have gotten to the point where I stop saying I have 3 children, and tell people I only have 2, because it seems that's all my life has been, and it's just too tiring to talk about. I have very little to remind me that I do have 3 children. I feel like it was all a dream, and that that part of my life is over with, that it's just not real. But a name can bring it all back for me.Seeing Chris' name written somewhere is a sign of life. It's physical evidence that it wasn't a dream. That I did have him and I did enjoy him for too short of a time. I take this piece of evidence and I hold it close, because it's nice to be reminded that he was real. That his name and life has crossed the mind and lips of someone else. I've gotten three very special reminders recently.The first was a gift from my sister-in-law. For my bridal shower a couple of months back, she got me a gift, a bracelet. It had a heart charm at one end. On one side it read "Forever in your heart" and on the other side, it said Chris, PJ, and Madelyn. She acknowledged all of my babies. I immediately burst into tears in the middle of opening gifts. Most people had to have an explanation as to why I was crying. It meant a lot to me. My baby boy went through her mind, she recognized all 3 of my children, and right there, my son existed to someone other than myself.The second was an early Mother's Day gift from a friend. She ordered hand stamped jewelry, a necklace. It had not 2, but 3 round washers on the chain. Each washer was stamped with the name of each of my children, including Chris. I ran my finger over each small name, and there again was something I could touch, something I could see, that meant my baby lived in this world.The third was not something I could touch directly, but something I could see, and that so many others could see. Something that was written and carved with care, because Chris existed, and because he was taken away. A name in a tree. Someone I've met online, someone very new in grief, someone who just wants to channel her pain into something constructive, took the time to carve Chris' name into a tree. Her name is Kristin, and she lost her own precious baby just about 5 weeks ago(you can read her blog here http://dearbabycook.blogspot.com/ ). She started with carving her own baby girl Stevie's name into a tree. And it grew from there. In her own fresh pain, she reached out to others and offered to do the same with other names. She took Chris' name, and letter by letter, she carved it into a tree. And there it is, permanently. His name and existence ran though her mind. He danced on her heart. Other people may see his name, and while they won't know his story or why his name is there, they will know that he was alive, he was someone, not just a memory.So what's in a name? A name is a life. It's love. It's memories.

Review: Rockstar Fluff

2010-05-30T21:33:00.009-04:00

Hopping back on the true WAHM cloth diaper train, I've started buying different WAHM brands. I've mentioned before that I love buying handmade, especially from other moms who make/sell things while staying at home with their kids. Mad props to them, as I can't even go to the bathroom without a child peering between my legs or messing with the toilet paper, let alone start my own business and actually make things. So after selling of my GoodMamas, I was able to buy 4 new diapers, and I purchased them from 3 different WAHM businesses. I got my first new diaper last week, a fitted from Rockstar Fluff:
http://hyenacart.com/RockstarFluff/
Since we are now living in Maine, I figured a Happy Lobster print would be perfect. I ordered the diaper on May 21, paid my $19.00 plus shipping. The diaper arrived just 6 days later, this past Thursday. I opened my fluff mail, and this gorgeous, squishy, bright diaper was waiting for me.
The inside is a hand dyed organic bamboo velor. It's bright and soft, but it also presented a problem. I received an email from the mama who makes these diapers before getting the diaper. Apparently, even with many washing from the mama, the hand dyed inners were bleeding and the diapers needed to be washed on their own for the first few washes. I was ok with that, and loved how pretty the inside of this diaper was.

Very bright, and it came with an extra boost, a liner with the outer print. Love it! So I washed it on it's own as instructed. 3 times. And here's where the problem comes in. The dye did bleed. While it was washing, and I saw the pink water, I didn't think there would be any issues. That is until I got the diaper out after the third wash and went to hang it to dry. I noticed the dye had bled all over, and the white part of the insert was tye dyed pink, and there were pink splotches on the outer fabric. I had the sadz big time. I mean, it wasn't all over the whole diaper, and wasn't terribly noticeable, but my perfect pretty diaper was now tarnished. I emailed the mama behind the diaper, and she immediately responded. She was very apologetic, and upset I had this problem. She was very nice and refunded me half of my purchase price, including the shipping price. The diaper is still functional, just had some cosmetic damage. I happily accepted the partial refund, and resumed testing my diaper out.
By Friday, the diaper was nice and dry and ready to be slapped on Madelyn's bum and accept her gifts. It fits so well. The wings stretch very well and it was very easy to get a good fit on her. Snappi'ed on with no problems. And Madelyn seemed to dig it:

The diaper was on for a little over an hour before Sister really, ahem, broke it in. When I took it out, it seemed pretty absorbent, and was only slightly damp on the outside. I've used other fitteds that after and hour, they are completely soaked through. They just don't hold their liquids well. So after just 3 washes, and not being completely prepped, it was still pretty absorbent. I washed it again, and still had some bleeding to deal with. Luckily the soaker just came out a bit more pink and tye-dyed looking, and that was it. I'll continue to wash it on it's own for awhile longer.
So there are goods and bads with this diaper. The mama who makes them is just getting started, and she's obviously still figuring out what works best. Yes, I'm disappointed in the bleeding. I know that the mama behind RSF is going to be tinkering and doing extra washes to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. She was very quick to offer compensation for my troubles, and added to quick response and willingness to please, I'd say she's definitely good with customer service. The diaper fits well and seems to be made well, with quality materials. It is very absorbent, and she's got some great prints. So even with the bleeding issues, I definitely plan to buy more RSF in the future.

Some of My Favorite Money Making/Saving Sites

2010-05-28T12:49:00.003-04:00

With our household living on one income, I'm always looking for ways to make and save money. Here are some of my favorite sites and why:
Freebies for Mom-a great site for freebies, sample giveaways, and coupons. I've signed up for a few different sites through them that send free things. I've found tons of samples and free products through them. And anytime a good coupon comes up, not only do they tell you, but often they tell you the stores that have that item on sale, so you save even more money.
Note: Due to some hosting issues, this site is currently down until Tuesday. Until the new site is up and running, things are being posted on their Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Freebies-4-Mom/92601753907?ref=ts

Survey sites are great for making money. Don't expect a lot, and it may take a bit of time to build up enough points to cash in, but they do work.
Global Test Market-this is one of my favorite sites. I get emails when surveys are available. Sometimes I qualify for the survey, sometimes I don't. But I have taken enough to earn my first two $50 checks. One I received several months ago, and another is currently on it's way. That's $100 I've made sitting online, taking a survey:
http://www.globaltestmarket.com/

American Consumer Opinion-While surveys on this site seem to be few and far between, I have earned $26.00 so far. I have already received a $20 check, and currently have $6.00 in my account:
http://www.acop.com/Default.aspx

E/Visor Consumer Opinion-Surveys on this site are also relatively few and far between. I have yet to cash out on this site, as you need to have 2500 points to do so, and I only have 2025 right now. Hopefully not much longer!
https://www.clickiq.com/login.html

E-Poll-With this site, you earn points and then you can spend the points on all kinds of tings, from Paypal deposits to gift cards to stores like Target and restaurants like McDonald's, to places like Starbucks. I usually cash in my points for Paypal deposits. I've gotten $20 in Paypal deposits, and currently have enough points for another $5:
http://www.epollsurveys.com/epoll/clients/index.htm

Other sites for Making Money

Search and Win with Swagbucks-Swagbucks is a search engine just like Google. Randomly you are awarded points just for searching. You can redeem the points for just about anything under the sun, including Amazon gift cards and Paypal deposits. I've gotten enough points for $10 worth of Paypal deposits, and just for searching things online as I would using Google or Bing.
Use this link, or you can find my widget on the side of this page:
http://swagbucks.com/

YouData-This site basically takes the idea of spam and pays you for it. Instead of annoying pop-up ads or banners at the top of the page, this site gives you links for perfectly legit and family friendly sites, you click on the link and look at the site, even for a split second, and they pay you for it. You don't have to buy anything, unless of course you are taken to a site where you want to buy something. You are also paid for referrals. Each time someone you refer clicks a link, you get $.01, up to $1.00. They deposit into your Paypal account each Friday. Last Friday I had almost $3 deposited. After you join, the amount of links you get to look at decreases, but hey, it's free money. Here's the link:
http://www.youdata.com/join/lovemymoos

So there are some of my favorite sites. Individually they may not amount to too much, but collectively they could easily earn you a couple hundred dollars over the course of the year, and sae you much more. And who doesn't want more money in their pocket?

Loss

2010-05-24T20:28:00.003-04:00

I don't really have a better title for this one. It's been over 7 years since Chris died. I don't know what I feel anymore. But one thing that has stayed with me since the beginning is anger and confusion. I am angry that my baby was stolen from me. I am angry that for the past 7 years, I've had to watch countless other people suffer losses. Stillbirth, SIDS, illnesses, SUDC, and all of the other ways our children our stolen from us. I've seen people so fresh off of their loss, and it reminds me of how I felt in those first days and weeks and months. And it makes me angry. It makes me feel powerless. I was powerless in preventing my own child's death. I was powerless in finding answers for his death. And now I am powerless because I cannot do a damn thing for these other mothers. I couldn't keep them from losing their child. I can't help them. I understand it is a time thing. There are no magic words, cards, pictures, quotes, or gifts. And I can't exactly tell them not to worry, that they will feel better in time. It still doesn't bring their baby back, and even though it gets better, it never goes away. It makes me angry, how unfair it is. There is so much wrong in this world, but children are always right. They are always pure and innocent. They should be here on Earth with their parents. And the fact that there can be so much wrong, some nasty, horrible people live long lives, and our babies do not, it makes me angry.

An End to The GoodMama Saga

2010-05-20T20:42:00.003-04:00

The squeaky wheel gets the grease eh? After waiting a couple more days, and nobody hearing ANYTHING from Suzanne at GM, I fired off a rather heated email today, more or less demanding either shipping information or a refund. Because I didn't place the order, Suzanne refused to deal with me directly. Luckily the mama who did order stepped in and took over emailing. When probed for answers, Suzanne did not mention that our bunches would be shipping soon or when. That leads me to believe those waiting will continue waiting for some time to come. She refunded all of our money, and did not take out the 10% restocking fee(rightfully so). If these diapers were actually on their way and would be shipped out to us shortly, she would have said that and put up a fight when it came to refunding our money. But she did not. I feel for the others still waiting.
I've spoken to customers who ordered the diaper bunches on previous occasions(GM has offered them in the past), and they all waited anywhere from 10 to 15 weeks for their diapers. They were also promised they would have them within 6 weeks. Sorry but I'm not waiting that long for a product.
So I have my money back. I'm free to spend it on diapers that are made with love from other mamas, mamas who take pride in their business, who are happy to communicate with their customers and who actually strive to please their customers. I will never buy another GoodMama diaper again, and will actually be selling all of my GM diapers, because I am simply disgusted with this "business". Pretty bad when I don't want to let this product catch my child's poop anymore. I wouldn't recommend buying from GoodMama. NEVER. Yes, their diapers are cute, and yes, they *usually* function well(unless you get one with the notorious snap problems). So if you have to have your GoodMamas, buy from another mama on a swap board. Spots Corner on Hyena Cart, the BabyCenter Cloth Diaper Swap board, and Diaper Swappers to name a few. You'll find tons there, from new to well loved. And you won't have to deal with crappy customer service or unacceptably long wait times for your diapers.

The GoodMama Saga Continues

2010-05-18T21:55:00.003-04:00

As does the waiting. I finally received an email response from one of the few workers left in this company. Here it is:
April,

I completely understand your frustration, and thank you for being so nice about it! I will do my best to answer your questions.

The diapers are sewn, we are waiting for them to arrive at Goodmama to be shipped out. They are actually sewn in Texas and then shipped to Utah (where Goodmama is located) where they are sorted and packed and then shipped out to customers by Suzanne.

What I do not know at this moment (and I can't get a hold of Suzanne at the moment) is whether they are actually en route to us now or if we are waiting for them to be shipped. We originally expected them to be shipped early last week, and that we would be shipping the end of last week into the first couple of days this week, but they didn't arrive. Suzanne is very stressed about it, I spoke to her on Saturday and she wasn't happy at all that we didn't have them in hand yet. She is doing everything she can to get them as quickly as possible to everyone.

I really am very sorry for the wait, it is frustrating for us too, we want you to have your diapers, we want our customers to be happy!

Let me know if I can help with anything else.

Best,
Amanda

So there are multiple issues here, many which I already touched on in my previous post.
1) This confirms that these are not WAHM diapers. I'm not sure what exactly these people do as far as putting the diapers together. Pick out the fabric? Cut it? Who knows. They certainly don't sit and sew it by hand, like every other WAHM does. They ship it from Utah to Texas, to some factory. And well, we all are aware of the cheap labor in factories in Texas. Sooz claims that she charges so much for her diapers because she pays her workers good wages. Somehow I really doubt that, seeing as she has cut most of her workers.
2) There is a clear lack of communication going on here among the 2-3 employees(including Suzanne). The person that emailed me back hasn't spoken to her boss in days. No wonder it took them so long to get back to my emails. The person in charge of emailing doesn't know what is going on, therefore couldn't even respond. She hasn't spoken with the person in charge in days.
3) I once again got no clear answer on when we would get our diapers. They don't even know. The company that makes and sells these diapers doesn't even know when they will ship out diapers.

So while many of us paying customers sit and wait for our diapers 8 weeks after we ordered them, Suzanne put up more diapers for pre-order. Of course promising them within 6 weeks. Shame, shame.

Piss On You GoodMama

2010-05-17T22:02:00.004-04:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. Too long. Things have been busy. We recently got married. We recently moved from NC to ME for the hub's job. The little Miss M started walking, walking turned to climbing, and my free time went *poof*. But here I am!
So normally I love raving about things I love. Well now it's time to tell you all about a diaper, or should I say a company, that I have come to despise. GoodMama Diapers http://shop.thegoodmama.com/ . The diapers are ok. Back in the day they were sought after, like a golden crack rock to a crack head. People ate them up like mad, they became more than pop catchers and turned into collector's items. People were paying well over $100 for one diaper, if not much, much more. I got turned on to these diapers after that craze died down, not that I would ever in a million years pay that much for something that held feces. However they were cute, and I did find myself paying upwards of $30 or more for them. Something I'm now quite ashamed of. They are somewhat decent diapers, although their absorbency leaves something to be desired. They aren't like other fitteds, BSRBs for example, where you can go cover free around the house for an hour or two. No, pee goes right through them. But they fit little miss right, and worked well enough. And yes, they were cute(under the cover).
GoodMama started making an All-In-Two style diaper, with a waterproof cover built in. They were uber cute and finally no cover needed. I quickly found out these diapers were next to worthless. They weren't fit to leave the house in, as they wicked so badly around the legs within an hour or two. But the cuteness factor kept sucking me in. I would buy one, get it, realize it sucked, sell it off. The cycle was vicious.
Fast forward to March. The owner of Goodmama, Suzanne, put up a pre-order for mini-bunches. Bunches of these One diapers, 4 of them. Order them, and they would ship to you within 6 weeks. I did not have the money for 4 diapers, and really only wanted one of the patterns(yes, I realize they are crap), so I teamed up with a few other mommies and we pitched our money in together, and purchased a mini-bunch. 6 weeks came, no diapers. So the birds started chirping. Sooz, as she as known to many of her not so beloved followers(you'll find out in a bit), claimed she was waiting on another company to return a few pieces and she would ship them out at the end of week 7. End of week 7 came. No diapers. Here we are in week 8. Nothing. We keep asking on her Facebook fan page, only to get vague responses that she is waiting on something. I finally emailed her about it two days ago, and got an auto response saying they would get to my email within 24 hours. I asked for more specific answers. 24 hours came and went, no email. I emailed again, and still nothing. So much for customer service.
So a bit of a back story. Apparently, poor customer service, refusing to respond to emails, ridiculously long wait times for diapers, poor craftsmanship and other issues have become quite an issue for GoodMama over the past year or more. This company used to be a WAHM group, meaning everything was made by other moms. Now things are being shipped off to companies and factories to be made. Not what I want to support. Sooz has "let go" of many of the moms who worked for her.
So I am completely disgusted and turned off by this company. Yes the diapers are cute, some of them are almost useless, many people report problems with snaps and are forced to send them back. The diapers are overpriced, running at $28-30 for a regular sized diaper. The customer service is terrible and turn around time is atrocious. Many loyal followers have jumped ship and run far away, and I am done with the company. There are many other hard working moms who make better diapers and are much more pleasant to work, who make diapers at a better cost, that will get my business. I would back out of this diaper, but I went in with other moms, not to mention Sooz charges a 10% restocking fee on diapers that aren't even made, even though her diapers are not delivered as promised.
So to all of my CD mamas or soon to be CD mamas out there, if you hear anything about the wonders of GoodMamas, don't let the cuteness lure you in. The company is worthless.

My Rainbow

2009-12-17T16:44:00.003-05:00

After Chris died, I was definitely pretty darn out of my mind insane, and rightfully so. I got pregnant with PJ, albeit under the wrong circumstances(I NEEDED another baby), and he changed the course of my life. Took me awhile to adjust after he was born but I finally pulled myself up by the bootstraps, and did everything for him. I went back to school and got a degree for him. I stabilized myself for him. I worked hard for him. I calmed down and grew up for him. And after all these years, he still lives up to the term healing baby. I know that is a big title to give such a little child, and I don't hold him responsible for my happiness, he manages to do it all on his own. Don't get me wrong, Madelyn is a joy and I wouldn't trade her for anything, and am so grateful for her, but PJ is special.
Today is Chris' 7th birthday. I thought I would be ok today, but I'm not. I took extra time to cuddle Miss M today, but tried very hard to hide my pain, the kids are just too young to understand. But PJ knew. When he got home from school, I put Madelyn down for a nap and he sat next to me playing Mario Kart. Without me saying anything to him, he kept leaning over and kissing me on my arm, hugging me, patting my back. I then asked him whose birthday it was today. He immediately said "Chris!". When I asked him if he knew how old he would be, he told me 7. He told me he missed Chris, even though he never knew him. When he stopped to hug me during a race, he crashed his car into a pirate ship. When I told him to watch out for the pirate ship, he said "I don't care about the pirate ship, I care about you." Seriously, what 4 year old says that? He is what I needed today. The child is wise beyond his years and he truely is my rainbow baby. He really is a gift from God and I think he was put here to help me heal and to find love again.

The Best Birthday Ever

2009-12-16T12:02:00.002-05:00

It's hard to say you are happy when the birthday of your child that is no longer on Earth comes up. Chris' 7th birthday is tomorrow. In the past years, I've ignored those days, cried those days, put on a fake smile, but I've always dreaded that day. I never had a birthday to celebrate with him, and to be happy with him. But this year is different. I still don't get to throw him a party and invite his friend's from school(he'd be in 1st grade now), I still don't get to watch him open presents, I still don't get to have him here. But this year, I finally decided to do something for him. I've always just walked along, with his memory deep in my heart. But this year, his memory is being spread all over the country and is burying itself in the hearts of others. My ^Chris^tmas Project has been a success. I purchased and donated 3 toys, several of my friends have purchased and donated toys, my mother bought a few toys for a little boy in foster care and donated them for him, and one friend donated $25 in Chris' name to Toys For Tots. After all of these years, so many people still have my baby boy on their minds, they remember him, they take the time and spend the money to honor him. He is still alive and still out there. It may not be physically, but he's there, all over the country. And that means the world to a grieving mother, and it makes her happy when she is missing him the most.

Vera Bradley

2009-12-14T18:55:00.003-05:00

Ok, this isn't so much a review as it is a rant. I do not get Vera Bradley. I'd never heard of her/them until I moved to NC, but they seem so popular around here. Purses, wallets, diaper bags, cell phone holders, that kind of stuff. And I've seen them around. I'm sorry but they are the ugliest things I've ever seen, I don't get the rage. Apart from them being ugly, they are cloth, and I definitely know that cloth purses are a bad idea, they get filthy so easily. Now I'm purse snob. I can't do from Walmart or Target, I prefer Coach and Dooney and Burke. I put my purse carrying on the back burner as I've been carrying a big diaper bag for the past 11 months and just using my Coach clutch, but now that Madelyn is easier to care for, I don't take that out as much. I got a new Dooney and Burke purse as an early Christmas present from Adam(LOVE!!).
Back to the original topic. So basically this is me saying I don't get Vera Bradley items. They look like grandmother things, things that older ladies might love. Definitely a thumbs down from me!

My Anxiety

2009-12-02T11:59:00.004-05:00

This is my favorite time of year. I've been really enjoying our trips to visit family, the shopping, the decorating, I'm just very happy these days. But that doesn't stop the anxiety. Slowly, each day, the anxious feeling in my throat seems to climb a little higher, and I know why. Chris' birthday is coming. Another year older. Nearly 7 years since I gave birth to my baby boy. And yet another birthday without him. Each year is different, some years I'm a mess, some years I'm just fine and barely remember the day. I don't know where I will sit this year. Since having Madelyn, I've been missing Chris more, thinking of him more. Not sure why, I think it's because I have this great, happy little family and it's just not complete and never will be. I just can't imagine having a 7 year old.
I did go and buy 3 toys and donated them to Toys for Tots in his memory. But his memory is only in my head. When I put the toys in, nobody knows why. The people who pick them up will not know they are to celebrate the short life of a sweet baby boy. The kids who get them will not know they should be for another little boy, and their parents won't know that they get the pleasure of watching their kids open those gifts simply because another parent won't. It's not their fault, and I still feel good doing something nice, that will benefit children that may not have had anything for Christmas otherwise. But it's always frustrated me that the world is oblivious to my loss.
So as the days creep closer, and December 17 edges up on me, the lump will move up and get bigger. 7 years down, the rest of my life to go.

Ribbit's Royal Heiny Wash

2009-11-19T12:31:00.003-05:00

I've been making my own wipe solution and wipes since before I started cloth diapering. I've used different mixes, usually a mix of baby wash, baby oil, water and vinegar. Eventually I turned to just plain old water, it was a bit of a hassle mixing and making my own solution. I tried some from a WAHM, but wasn't completely thrilled with it, especially value for the price. If I'm going to be paying $3-4 every 2 weeks for wipe solution, I might as well buy disposable wipes. That was before a friend of mine turned me on to a site called London Frogg(http://www.londonfrogg.com/). They have something called Ribbit's Royal Heiny Wash. They are small tabs that you dissolve in 1 cup of hot water. I add it to my spray bottle. And I'm in love!! It's got all kinds of yummies in it for Madelyn's bum, from goat's milk and shay butter to lavender oil and grapeseed extract. Madelyn's little toosh is rather sensitive and I love using natural ingredients on her. It also smells so good. The tiny tabs dissolve well. One cup lasts me 1-2 weeks. I ordered a 3 oz package(which I'd say contains about 60 tabs, that's just my guess) for $9.50, with free shipping. It'll last me months upon months. I'm definitely hooked!

My Little Sweetie Pies

2009-11-19T12:08:00.004-05:00

We have been doing lots of pictures lately. We had Madelyn's 9 month pictures done at the pumpkin patch before Halloween, and two weekends ago we met Santa! A friend of mine, Heather, owns a photography business, so we do pictures a lot with her. PJ loved meeting Santa. Here is a link to the pictures:
http://www.alteredimagesbyheather.com/index2.php#/proofing/
The password is pumpkin. In the corner, click on the Santa to see the Santa pictures, or you can see Madelyn's 9 month pictures. I'm so proud of my babies!!

Awesome Contest-Win 20 Pairs of Baby Legs

2009-11-01T12:46:00.003-05:00

Yes, 20! Talk about my dream. 20 pairs of Baby Legs. One of my favorite websites for Baby Legs is running a contest, and giving away the winner's choice of 20 pairs of baby leg warmers, any from their site, any brand. I love this website because they have a customer loyalty program, and you earn 10% of your purchase back. You can store it up and use it at a later date, for FREE stuff! My last purchase earned me nearly $3 and that's a pretty decent amount in today's world of customer cash back programs. You yourself can enter the contest, buying is not required, you don't even need to sign up for their emails. So enter here http://www.babysnazz.com/contest/ and good luck! While you are there, take a look around.

Descending Into the BSRB Abyss

2009-10-29T19:56:00.004-04:00

When it comes to cloth diapers, I have always stuck with pocket style diapers. You can adjust the absorbency, they are efficient and easy to use. There are so many different ways you can go when using cloth, one of them being the route of fitteds. I never really got into fitteds, yes, some of them are so cute, but you have to use them with a cover when out and about so you cover up the cuteness anyway.
So I have been a member of the Cloth Diapering board on Babycenter.com since I started using cloth diapers. Each week I have watched a bunch of ladies work themselves into a frenzy over a certain brand of fitted diapers, known as Bagshot Row Bamboo, or BSRB for short. The woman who makes these diapers seems to be a one man show. She makes the diapers herself and stocks once a week(Thursdays/Fridays) and the diapers usually go fast. A few times I'd gone and looked at her shop http://hyenacart.com/BagshotRowBamboo/ and her prints are so cute! They are made of organic bamboo, so good for the environment(and baby!). But I've never tried fitteds before, so I always convinced myself not to get one. Plus they seem very addicting, with new prints coming often. I already have enough obsessions when it comes to outfitting/caring for my kids, I didn't need another.
So stocking day was today. I watched everyone work themselves up into a tizzy and took a look at what she had. Oh so cute yet again. I wanted one. But no, I have never used a fitted. But I just ordered a fitted and cover to try out for Christmas(Christmas print). But money is a bit tight, you shouldn't be spending on a new diaper. Oh, but you just sold some diapers you weren't using and you made money, you could use that. It was the classic devil on one shoulder, angel on the other, each whispering in my ear.
Around 6:50, I logged onto the site. All diapers go on sale at 7:00 pm, to give people a fair shot. I refreshed a few times and decided it wasn't a good idea, and I closed the site and got up to start PJ's bath. As his bath was running, the urge hit me and I ran to the computer. It was 7:03. I scanned through, the one I really wanted was sold out already. I go to my second choice. It's there! And before I could think, it was in my cart and I was buying. My finger had a mind of it's own! I felt a sense of elation, I was high on diaper. I am officially a BSRB owner. Well I will be when it gets here. And now I cannot wait until next week. As I type there are still a few cute prints left, but I am being strong and leaving them alone. Here's the diaper I got: Chinese Lanterns

I think I may be in love!

In Memory of My Sweet Angel

2009-10-24T22:26:00.003-04:00

I will admit, over the years I've been pretty bad about doing much of anything to honor/remember/celebrate my first born baby boy. He passed away very young(2 months and 12 days old). His birthday and angel days are very hard for me so I usually go on with my life and don't do anything special. Well I've decided that's going to stop. And I invite anyone who wants to pay tribute to Chris to join in. This Christmas I'm going to be buying a toy for a 7 year old little boy. I'm going to donate the toy to Toys For Tots. In memory of Chris, I'm going to try to make another 7 year old little boy(one that could be like Chris if he were still alive) happy. And next Christmas, I'm going to buy a present for an 8 year old little boy and donate it. It's a small way for me to honor my precious boy, and to help another child in need. Chris' life and death touched so many people, and I want to continue that. So if anyone else would like to pay tribute to my little boy, I encourage you to go out, buy a toy for a 7 year old little boy, and donate it. Help keep my angel's memory alive!

Madelyn @ 9 Months

2009-10-24T22:06:00.003-04:00

I cannot believe my little girl is already 9 months old. She is my joy, such a sweet little princess. She's very cuddly and is such a mama's girl! She scoots and sits up, plays and is quite mobile. She's up to eating table food now, and adores her big brother PJ. She's recently started waving hello. She had her 9 month check up Wednesday morning. Aside from the double ear infection, she's pretty healthy.
She's also a very happy little girl. Here she is at her appointment. She was measured and as usual, was very cooperative. She now weighs 18 lbs 12 oz, and is in the 65th percentile. She's 29 1/2 inches tall, and still in the 97th percentile for height. She's a tall girl!! Her pediatrician saw no other problems with her and she's doing well. Me on the other hand, I'm trying so hard to find the pause button on this kid and get her to stop growing up so fast! I can't believe that in less than 3 months, I'm going to have a 1 year old and a 5 year old!

Finally Getting Better!

2009-10-24T22:00:00.003-04:00

So my house is finally getting better. I started getting sick Monday, right after Madelyn. Bad congestion and coughing. I went to the doctor Tuesday and was swabbed for the flu and thankfully it came back negative. I had a sinus infection and upper resp. infection. I was given antibiotics. Madelyn was seen Wednesday morning, she also had her 9 month check up(info to follow). She ended up having a double ear infection. Got her helping of antibiotics as well. Luckily PJ, who is normally the Typhoid Mary of the bunch, has fared rather well. I've started both kids on pro-biotics to help boost their immune systems, I've been good about getting PJ a daily multi-vitamin and upping his Vitamin C intake, and keeping up on his preventative asthma meds. He does have a bit of drainage and a cough, but nothing else, which is great for him. Adam has come through it all unscathed. Madelyn is almost completely better side, from a bit of drainage and coughing, and the same goes for me. It helps that the weather here in North Carolina has improved and gone from the 50s to the 70s. It's a good thing I'm better, Adam leaves for a week long conference in Atlanta tomorrow evening, it would have sucked had this gone down next week instead of this week.

The Sickz

2009-10-18T23:25:00.003-04:00

Have hit our house. I started coming down with some chest crap early last week. I've trudged through, I'm the mom, so illness does not equal downtime for me. I ran business as usual. The kids seemed to be handling things well. Until this morning. PJ has been slightly snotty, and he's no different today. Holding up well for his usual Typhoid Mary self. Madelyn on the other hand, picked something up. She's a snot factory, and she's getting darn sick of having her nose wiped. The fever started later in the afternoon. You can tell she doesn't feel well. She's got the poor rosy cheeks and the sick look in her eyes, as you can see to the left. She's puny and cuddly. It's almost as if she knows how to act extra pitiful for effect. And it stinks because aside from setting up the humidifier and wiping her nose, there isn't anything I can do to help her. She's not like PJ, who I can give something to, she's just stuck. I feel so bad for my baby girl.

The Lesser of Two Evils

2009-10-16T23:30:00.003-04:00

So I'm scared. Normally I'm pretty informed and pretty confident in my vaccination choices for my children. We selectively vaccinate, delay and spread out. For the baby, we are delaying some vaccinations, Hep B, MMR. The others she doesn't get all at once every two months, but one every month. We don't do flu shots. Some of the ingredients in flu shots scare me, mainly thermisol and squalene. While the flu mist and select flu shots don't contain thermisol, it's not a guarantee that's what your doctor will order, or that that is the kind you will get. And I've seen what squalene can do. It is the ingredient in the anthrax shots given to the military, that is linked to Gulf War Syndrome. Adam had those shots in the Army and now has over a dozen fatty cysts all over his body, some painful. It is a known side effect of those shots. Granted the shots that may contain squalene only contain minute amounts, it's still too much for me. The shots and possible reactions scare me. So it should be easy for me to say no to them right? Nope.
PJ is high risk. PJ was diagnosed with asthma at about 20 months old. At 23 months old he got sick. He developed pneumonia and spent a week in the hospital. Less than 3 weeks after that, he developed pneumonia again and spent another week in the hospital. He has since had pneumonia 3 more times, so 5 times total. Pretty heavy stuff for a 4 year old. He's had bronchoscopies and probes inserted, sleep studies and other tests. He's been doing well lately, has been healthy since December of last year. He's currently in school, where he can easily pick the swine flu or the regular flu up. He could easily be one of those kids who develops problems or dies. I'm just torn. I don't want to pump his body full of some of those chemicals. I certainly won't do it to the baby, she's so much younger and still developing so much.
So what's a girl to do? Risk the vaccine, when he's had no known reactions to any vaccines he's gotten in the past? Give in to the media hype and fear mongering, and go running to the first doctor who will inject him? Risk the flu, complications because he's high risk, and risk him bringing it home to his baby sister? That's another thing, I don't want him getting it and bringing it home to his sister. Do I use the older one as the pin cushion to protect the younger one?
Ohhhhh I just don't know. Both options are so scary.

gDiaper Review Part Deux-Overnights

2009-10-16T13:52:00.004-04:00

I gave my thoughts on gDiapers in my last entry, but that was strictly covering daytime use. A few nights ago, I was faced with using them overnight. Madelyn developed her first diaper rash, not bad, but she's started some new solids recently that may have upset the bum a bit. I only had Triple Paste around, and cloth diapers+butt cream=bad idea. I was very tempted to run out and buy a pack of disposables(booooo! hisssss!). Then it dawned on me. I still had flushable inserts for the gDiapers! I can just stick those on her while I'm using the Triple Paste. So I put her in one when she went to bed. She goes down around 8 pm. She woke up at about 5 am, so she did not get changed during that time. The good news. She wasn't soaked when she woke up. The bad news. It did leak through and the gPants themselves were damp, but nothing terrible. So it didn't hold up, and still has yet to impress me enough to give up my pocket style diapers. We'll still keep them around for traveling.

Diaper Review- gDiapers

2009-10-01T10:04:00.003-04:00

So these days, gDiapers are all the rage in the cloth diapering world. They offer the best of both diapering options. They are a cloth diaper, no chemicals, reusable, but the inserts are disposable(although they now offer cloth insterts), and you can toss them, or even flush them with ease. That means no spraying or dunking or taking a spatula to poo.
I got lucky when it came to my gDiapers. I had no intentions of ever venturing into the land of G. One of the main reasons we went with cloth diapers is to avoid buying disposable diapers for the next several years. I didn't want to be stuck buying disposable inserts for the next several years. Well my mother happened upon several boxes of gDiapers at her local grocery store. Yes, an odd place to find those kind of diapers. Apparently they didn't go over well there, and she was able to grab two starter packs(consisting of 2 diapers, 3 plastic liners and 10 disposable inserts in each pack) in Madelyn's size for 3.99 a piece. Yeah seriously, super cheap. So why not?
I tried them out over the weekend. It's pretty easy to load up, the plastic liner snaps right onto the inside of the cloth diaper. The cloth is a super soft and breathable teeshirt material, I really liked that part. The liner is there to keep messes in, so if placed correctly, you won't get anything on the cloth diaper itself, which means less washing. The disposable liner fits easily into the plastic liner. It's held with velcro(not a huge fan of the aplix/velcro, but I've seen other gMommies remove it and add snaps themselves, I'm not that involved though), and actually attaches around the back, which is kind of a good idea since kids(mine included) tend to remove the diaper if they attach in the front.
The disposable inserts can be discarded in a number of ways. They are 100% biodegradable, so you can just toss them in the trash. You can flush them(although I'm leery of flushing things). Or you can throw them in the compost pile. If you have a compost pile. I do not.
So the pros of this diaper. They are darn convenient. I didn't have the need to bring a wetbag or a bunch of extra diapers. When changing out in public you just remove the insert and toss. If you are faced with poop, you can toss it, there's no saving the diaper and getting to deal with it when you get home, after it's been sitting awhile. There's no washing after 1 use. Sure you have to rinse the plastic liner or switch it out if something leaks out onto it, but that's about it. With my current cloth I'm doing laundry every other day. If I went all gDiaper and stayed with disposable inserts, I'd really cut down on laundry. The cover material is very soft and breathable. The disposable inserts are free of harsh chemicals and are fully biodegradable.
Now onto the cons. The biggest for me is that I don't see this as a viable nighttime diaper. Madelyn would soak a liner in a few hours, so I don't see her going all night in one of these. Plus they don't wick moisture away from the skin, which means it tends to sit on her skin. Another thing I don't want going on all night. Regular disposable diapers have those gel things that absorb and lock away moisture. gDiapers don't have that, nor do they have cloth barrier like my pocket diapers do. I've been told you can put a piece of fleece over it, but that just adds to the complexity. The disposable liner part. Convenient yes, expensive, yes. You pay the price of a regular cloth diaper cover but then you also have to keep spending on liners, as you would diapers. As mentioned above, that's one of the main reasons I got out of Sposies. They now offer cloth liners, but you can achieve the same with fitteds and covers, or prefolds and covers(except that gDiapers do have that plastic liner, which I guess is a plus). I've also been told you can put a regular old prefold in, and use fleece as a moisture barrier. But once again, nothing a regular cover wouldn't do.
So all in all, I can pretty much say I'll stick with my pockets. gDiapers are convenient at times, and I will keep them around, will probably order more inserts, to keep handy for traveling(since we travel long distances often) and on diaper washing days when I am doing some heavy washing and don't have any free. But I'm not converting, that's for sure.

A Name In The Sand

2009-09-15T23:09:00.004-04:00

Months ago, I reached out to a new SIDS mother, who was gearing up for her first Mother's Day, and her first Mother's Day without having her child with her. It's a crappy pill to swallow, you have your baby, and you lose your baby before Mother's Day, so your first big day is spent missing your baby, it's like a slap in the face. I remember my first. Chris was born in December and died in March so my first Mother's Day, I was alone. And when you don't have your child with you, nobody really pays attention, you don't get your pampering, you flowers, your cards, nothing. So double whammy. Well I recently got an email back from the girl I talked to. On Mother's Day she went to the beach and she wrote the names of angels in the sand, Chris included.

It's hard to describe the feeling when I see my baby's name there. More than 6 years since he died, nobody really talks about him anymore. My living children didn't and won't ever know him. My fiance never knew him. My friends have long moved on and don't mention him, my family doesn't mention him. Nobody knows how much his memory still consumes me and how much I still think about him, dream about him, and miss him. I often fear I'm still a little too wrapped up in him. But it's hard to watch everyone else move on. It's hard to act like what you see is what my family is, because it's not. So for someone out there to, on their own, think of my baby, and to speak his name, to write his name, it's huge for me. I can't describe how wonderful some letters in the sand make me feel. For one day, my baby boy was alive on someone's heart and lips.

Washing My Fluff

2009-09-12T12:45:00.003-04:00

Recently we were battling some major stink in our diapers. Not sure what went wrong, but I was having issues with some leaking and all stinking when wet. It was a pain, and when ALL of your diapers are facing problems, it really discourages you, and the evil thoughts of "Maybe I should go back to disposables" start creeping back. On one of my cloth diapering boards, I'd been hearing about a detergent, made by one of our very own mommies, called Rockin Green Detergent. Supposedly it is supposed to banish stink from your diapers, getting them nice and clean, all while coming in some well, rockin scents. So I went to their website: http://rockingreensoap.com/?95bcd4a0 and checked them out. Yep, they claim to banish stink. And they are all natural, so no 6 million chemicals in your wash(although most diaper wash products are all natural). And the best part is, you don't have to buy a huge amount to find out whether you like it or not. You can purchase samples at a very modest rate(including a very modest shipping price) to test out both the effectiveness, and their large array of scents. So I purchased 5 samples(good for up to 5 washes). I got them a few days later, and open each baggie to take a whiff. I got cherry lemonade, cherry almond, grape soda(which seems to be their most popular scent), buttercream and lavender vanilla, they all smelled divine. The grape soda kind of reminded me of Pixie Sticks. So I gave my diapers a good soaking as instructed. It helped, but not completely. I went to my message board and cried about my continuing problem, and who should reply but the owner Kim herself. She's a member and a mom like the rest of us. She advised me to give them a few more good soaks with the RG detergent and voila, stink be gone! And it worked. I have found my new detergent!

Baby Legs Baby Legs, The Ones I Adore

2009-09-11T21:27:00.003-04:00

Can I just say that I am absolutely in LOVE with Baby Legs?? If you aren't familiar with Baby Legs http://www.babylegs.com/ , they are basically leg warmers. Yep the kind from the 80s. Except way cuter. And for babies and kids. They are super convenient for diaper changes. They are great for when they weather is changing and you don't want to bust out the pants outfits, but want something on your baby to keep them comfortable. They are great to throw on with a onesie at night for sleeping. They are wonderful for crawling/scooting babies, to protect their knees. I know Madelyn wears them most days now, because when we head out in the morning to take PJ to school, it's still chilly. Right now her wardrobe consists of summer outfits and long sleeve/long pants outfits for when it's colder, and I don't feel like putting a cold outfit on her just to have to take it off later for a summer outfit because it's still in the 80s. I cloth diaper, I have enough laundry to do, don't need to double her outfits each day. So I put the summer outfit on and some Baby Legs. They stay on most of the day, because she's scooting around the carpet now and it protects her legs.
So Christmas came early for me this week and I got 6 new pairs of Baby Legs! I was glued to the mail and got two pairs yesterday and 4 today, and I'm so thrilled. I order from this site: http://www.babysnazz.com/ They had some great prices. Baby Legs normally run about $12 a pair but I got them for less than $7 a pair. They have decent flat rate shipping and best of all, a customer loyalty program that gives you 10% of each purchase in store credit, which means savings down the road! I love love loveeeeeeeeeee Baby Legs.

Get The Tissues

2009-09-01T10:58:00.005-04:00

I came across a link yesterday, and I had to share. It is one of the most heart wrenching and touching videos I have ever seen. It's the story of a couple who find out their baby has Trisomy 13, a disorder that renders the child incompatible with life. Most people in their shoes choose to terminate the pregnancy, and as pro-life as I am, I cannot fault them for it, that's a whole different ball game compared to abortions for non-medical reasons. But this couple, they choose to carry the baby. The baby is born and this video documents his short life, and sadly, his death. It's pretty intense, and it made me cry, hell I had Adam watch it and he was bawling his eyes out. But it shows the true love and courage these parents had for their baby boy, and it's amazing how lucky this little guy was to know nothing but love and warmth during his short time on Earth.
http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/photography/2009/thomas/

Peeling Stickers

2009-08-09T21:44:00.004-04:00

Who would think that peeling a vinyl decal off of a car could bring on the tears? Seems silly, but it did for me. I currently have two cars. I have my old Dodge Neon, and the car I drive, that we bought back in February. I didn't trade the Neon because they didn't want it. High mileage, body damage, I might as well try to sell it for $500. Well I will admit I've been lazy, and it has been sitting there in the parking lot for 6 months. Well I've finally been cleaning it up and it's now ready to sell. I had a few bumper stickers that needed to be peeled off, and the last one came tonight. I put one of the vinyl cut out decals that you can personalize on the paint itself. I was in memory of my first born son, Chris. Chris died from SIDS over 6 years ago. Two tiny handprints, his name and his dates. I peeled off letter after letter, then the tiny handprints. Finally the dates. I came to the 03 that stood for 2003, the year he died, and I felt as if I was peeling off another layer of what is already very thin, another layer of his memory. I peeled off the last of the 3 and said "Goodbye buddy". I don't know why it hit me the way it did. Maybe it's the fact that everybody else in this world has moved on. My living children will never know him. My fiance and all of his family didn't know me back then, so Chris is no more than a face in a picture to them, and they can do no more than feel a bit of pity for me. All of the friends I had then have long since moved on, they don't acknowledge him and might think of him in passing. His birthdays and angel days come and go with little mention until I say something. Maybe the decal was my way of saying "Hello people, I have another baby, here he is, please pay attention to it." And with the decal gone, a piece of what little that is left of his memory is gone. And that is how peeling off a sticker made me cry.

Stuff I Love-Festa T-Shirts!!!

2009-08-01T14:26:00.003-04:00

While watching the Real Housewives of NJ, I saw Theresa wearing a Jersey Girl t-shirt that I just loved. I was born in NJ and while I haven't been back since I was 16(10 yrs OMG!!), I had to have it. I found that the shirt comes from a company called Festa T-Shirts. They sell regional/geographical/state/city t-shirts, so you can represent your home area wherever you may be. I ordered this shirt:
http://www.shopfesta.com/jersey-girl-t-shirt.html
And got it Thursday. I love it! It looks great, I love the material, I just love the shirt. They have a St. Louis one I'm going to get next, and I'm thinking, with all of our travels with the Hubby's job, I might get a t-shirt for every place we are moved to. Lame, I'm collecting state t-shirts, but I love these shirts and will use any excuse I can to buy one!!

What I Have Become...

2009-07-28T12:18:00.003-04:00

I realized just now, while hand making my daughter a tutu and watching reruns of the Marth Stewart Show, that my life is not what it used to be. Pre-kids, I was a rock star. Clubs and bars, at 20 years old, hanging out with bands, even a tour bus or two(keep it clean folks, not everyone that goes onto a tour bus is doing the band), concerts, and stints on the radio down at 105.7 the Point. Now look at me. Martha Stewart, tutus, driving my car around with my sticker family on the window, and mommy group's magnet on the back. Gone are the sounds of a rock band blaring through my speakers, replaced by the Little People playing just loud enough for PJ to hear, but not too loud as to wake the baby. My thrills in life are no longer partying for an entire weekend, but matching a hairbow to a diaper or picking up a SpongeBob shirt I know PJ will love, and on sale to boot. And you know, it's not so bad. The boy child calls out from his play room and tells me he loves me, the girl baby clings to me, sitting on my hip, the little koala bear, content with mommy. The party life is over rated.

Rocky Mountain Diapers Prints!!

2009-07-22T17:27:00.003-04:00

I'm super thrilled, I just got my new Rocky Mountain Diaper today, they are finally putting out prints!! Now I just love their diapers. I love the snaps, love the material, love love love the internal size adjusters on the legs opposed to snaps on the outside. They are my favorite pocket diapers, besides Happy Heineys. One of the few reasons I prefer HHs is because of their variety in prints. Up until recently, Rocky Mountain Diapers came in solid colors only, and very few solids colors at that. Blue, Green, Pink, Yellow, and Orange were about it. So needless to say when they came out with the cow print, I was thrilled, as I love the cow print. I can't wait until it's diaper wash time so I can slap it on the baby! There is a second diaper up at the shop that I am debating getting, I love it that much. Pictures to follow.

Wedding Madness!!

2009-07-17T10:57:00.004-04:00

So we have kicked wedding planning in to high gear. We set a date, much closer than what we were originally looking at, and now we are planning for next April! Less than 9 months away. So it's time to get moving and shaking! Naturally, being the control freak that I am, I have jumped right in to making this day perfect. We decided on a ceremony venue, and I just finished booking it, meaning it is officially ours! We were originally looking at places like the Arch, but a friend of mine told me about another place, and I showed Adam pictures, and he just loved the garden by the mansion at this park, so I booked it.
http://www.co.st-louis.mo.us/parks/lindell-gordon-memorial-garden.html
We also decided on our reception venue. Adam found a bunch of places and gave me the list, I was able to narrow the list down to 3 places. I had my heart set immediately on one place, the Lemp Mansion at their Grand Hall, but we wanted to get prices and such from all 3 places, because we wanted to lowest price. And as fate would have it, Lemp was by far the least expensive!! So it's tentatively booked, and they are sending the service contract to us!
http://www.lempmansion.com/index.html
And to add to it, I have always wanted to stay at the actual Lemp Mansion. They have a kind of Bed and Breakfast, but run $150 a night+. Well when speaking with the person I set everything up with, I kindly asked if they could include a night in one of the rooms in the package, and they did it. We are set to stay there on our wedding night!
http://www.lempmansion.com/bb.html
Now the Lemp Mansion is listed as one of the most haunted places in America, and past my excitement in staying there, I'm scared crapless. Let's hope my wedding night is not spent shivering under my covers, afraid of every little noise.

Stuff I Love-General Deasil's

2009-07-16T13:56:00.005-04:00

Since before I switched to cloth diapers, I have been making my own wipes. After reading about chemicals in certain wipes and baby shampoos, such as formaldehyde, I decided to make my own. Cutting up old receiving blankets provided the wipes, but I've been tinkering with a solution that I really like. Well after I started cloth diapering, I began searching for a good laundry detergent. For those who don't know, you can't just throw diapers in with any old laundry soap. Soaps contain oils, fragrances, and other things that stick to the fabric, and repel liquids, making them less absorbent and not as effective. I had started with Charlie's Soap, but found the smell harsh and the price a bit steep. A friend told me about another local woman who makes and sells her own natural home and personal cleaning products.

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6219949

I purchased some of her Tush Rinse and the laundry soap. I added vanilla scent to the laundry soap, and it smells so good, I almost wanted to eat it. I love the tush rinse, it smells good, helps the wipes glide when cleaning, and keeps Madelyn's little bum all nice and soft. The laundry soap works well, I have no issues with buildup on the diapers, and have needed to strip them because of smell less often. The vanilla scent I had added doesn't actually smell on the diapers after it's used. It's inexpensive and all natural. I love it!!

Wedding Madness

2009-07-09T13:52:00.003-04:00

Adam and I got engaged last November. After having the baby and moving across the country, we set a date of August 14, 2010. We had originally planned to have a wedding. Then as our budget dwindled, we decided to go the way of a cruise wedding, and inviting just close family members. As the reality hit that we are a family of 4, running a household with man bills, that money may not be available at all, and I was seriously pushing for a JOP wedding. Well practically with the snap of some fingers, funds became available for an actual wedding. And within the past week I have gone from a JOP marriage sometime next August, to a full blown wedding and reception in April. Seriously 9 months away. To top it all off, we will be getting married in St. Louis, meaning I'm planning a wedding in St. Louis while in North Carolina, with a possible move to Maine or Oregon in there. I'm so overwhelmed, excited, worried. So I've thrown myself head first into planning this wedding. Wish me luck!

Diaper Review #1 Shinies

2009-07-07T20:19:00.003-04:00

http://www.shiniesbaby.com/

On my quest to find the perfect cloth diaper, I came across these one Ebay. They were relatively inexpensive, didn't come from China(or so I thought), and looked nice. My mom split the cost with me, so I decided to give them a shot. I bought a lot of 10 for $90 after shipping, so at $9 a piece, they are significantly less expensive than most other one size pocket diapers. The old cliche that talks about something being too good to be true should have sent up a red flag, but I ignored it. About 10 days after ordering, I got my diapers, they came from Canada. Open them up. There is nothing to attach the Aplix to when washing the diapers, so you have to attach it like you are putting the diaper on. I wasn't thrilled with that. The tag also reads Made In China, not what I was going for. Changing the size of the diapers was definitely unique, and I'm not sure I was a fan of that. Instead of the snaps like Happy Heineys and Bum Genius or the inner elastic on the legs like Rocky Mountain diapers, this involved a zipper. One side of the zipper along the top, and 2 levels of the other side of the zipper to adjust the front. To me it doesn't seem that it adjusts all that much, and on the medium setting, at 5 months old, it's already a bit tight. She weighs 18 pounds at most, so this doesn't bode well. Changing it to the largest setting isn't going to make that huge a difference. It says these diapers go to 35 lbs, but I don't buy that. And the last con, the deal breaker, the wicking. Many times, within an hour or so, the diaper has wicked moisture, and is wet, especially around the legs. It has led to many a wet baby and mommy/daddy.
The pros to these diapers are that they look decent, are nice and soft, they are good for days around the house. And they will do until we build up a supply of better(and more costly) diapers. I can't say I would recommend these diapers. You really do get what you pay for.

Home Sweet Home

2009-07-07T19:44:00.004-04:00

We arrived home a bit early from our vacation, and I use the term vacation very loosely. The definition of vacation is leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure. And this trip was not time away from work(there is no such thing when you are a SAHM), and rest nor pleasure took place.
We left Friday, on schedule, which is rare in itself. That should have been a sign of good things to come, but no. Madelyn screamed probably half of the time, from the mountains until we were well into Tennessee. We arrived at my Aunt and Uncle's house in Clarksville on schedule. It was nice visiting with them, but they are uber-Christian conservative, and although Adam and I are engaged and share a home and a child, we lack a marriage license, and we had to sleep in separate rooms. That would have been fine, had Madelyn not had an off night. We got to bed and I was so tired, and Mad was not having laying down. Put her in her bed, cry. Lay down with her, cry. Sit down with her, cry. Do anything other than walk around with her, cry. I was so worried about waking my family, that I was desperate to keep her quiet. Finally after probably an hour, and me near tears, she took a bottle and went to sleep.
We got into St. Louis on Saturday, to little fan fare. No big deal. We were supposed to pick up PJ on Sunday evening, but I got a call early Sunday morning from his father, saying he was sick and he got called in to work so I needed to pick him up early. This was really code for "He needs to see a doctor, but I'm a loser and really don't want to shell out money for the copay, so you take him so it's your dime." So not only did I get to pick up a sick kid, but I got to deal with the co-pays involved with seeing a doctor at Urgent Care because we are from out of town. $64 dollars later(copay and 2 prescriptions), he has an upper respiratory infection and an ear infection. Standard stuff in our world. So we have to avoid going and doing. We can't go anywhere around Adam's sister because she has 4 kids, and if even one germ crossed and got one of her kids sick, we'd never hear the end of it. Been there, done that, poor PJ has been blamed for illnesses they've gotten even when he wasn't the bearer, he gets targeted because he is "sickly", so naturally any illness must come from him. I digress.
PJ gets better, and is doing much better on Tuesday. So we set up a trip to Grant's Farm with Adam's sister and her kids for Wednesday. Naturally, we wake up Wednesday, and Madelyn feels warm. Take her temperature and it's over 101. I called her ped's office and explained she had no other symptoms, she was eating, drinking, peeing, pooping and smiling, but a decent fever. And naturally they recommend we have her seen. $57 later(copay and 1 prescription), she has her first ear infection. So we have to cancel our trip, even though it's only an ear infection, poor kid has a nice fever. She was doing much better by Thursday.
Between that, and the fact that all of our family had to work, we gave up, and left very early Saturday morning. We drove straight through, Madelyn didn't do as bad, I got wicked car sick in the mountains, and Adam came down with what the kids had, but we made it home in one piece. One broke ass piece. I'm hoping our Disney vacation in August goes better.

Hiatus-Vacation

2009-06-25T23:25:00.002-04:00

We leave tomorrow to head to St. Louis. It'll be nice to pick PJ up on Sunday evening, and to be able to visit with family. Our families don't get to see the kids that much, because we live so far away. We will be home on July 5, so until then, I bid you a fond farewell.

Raising Sextuplets-The Mache Sextuplets

2009-06-25T22:48:00.003-04:00

I've got to say, I'm actually pretty surprised that another family with multiples has decided to go the way of the Gosselins and the Duggars, especially after the shit storm that is Jon Plus Eight Every Other Weekend and Kate the Primary Custodian With Nannies Plus Eight. Now I stopped along this little gem tonight, and it didn't take me long for me to start shaking my head. Apparently they took the sextuplets to a fundraiser while Mommy healed from a tummy tuck and new boobs(boy, sure sounds familiar). Now the fundraiser was sweet. But it was announced that they Mache sextuplets were in the hizzouse and were available for pictures. Pictures? They are two year olds for crying out loud. The kids looked hot and tired, and here they are being passed around for a good cause. Let the exploitation begin. I mean this family might have a better chance, as Jenny isn't a complete Hosebeast like Kate, but I do see at least 4 kids in therapy and 1-2 on the show Intervention as grown ups. I'm sure that it gets expensive with that many young children at once, and I won't get into the whole "Maybe you shouldn't implant that many embryos" speech, but when will the parade of families with multiples offering up their children in exchange for cash and TV time end??

Dear The Fashion Show

2009-06-25T22:03:00.003-04:00

I tried to watch you, I really did. In my desperation for anything that is Project Runway, I tried to watch Bravo's half ass attempt at replacing it. I came in with an open mind, and I wanted to love you I really did. But Issac Mizrahi is NOT Tim Gunn, no matter how gay you make him. And Kelly Rowland, well she is just Kelly Rowland. "Goodbye Darling" will never replace "Auf Weidersehen". Rico is so far from Santino. I can no longer maintain this relationship. My love for Project Runway is too strong, and you are only a half assed substitution. I'm afraid I must patiently wait until August and resume my relationship with Project Runway, I really do think we can make things work, even after their move to Lifetime. It's really not you, it's Bravo, rushing in to replace the void too soon. In time I think we will all realize this was never meant to be. Good luck, and God speed.

Republican=Morals Democrats=Morally Bankrupt?

2009-06-24T16:32:00.004-04:00

I wasn't aware that this was the standard. I didn't know that having or not having morals corresponded with the political party you affiliate yourself with. At least in terms of family values. Now I am a conservative. I tend to vote Republican simply because it's closer to my beliefs than Democrat. I am also not religious. I'm cool with gay marriage, but I'm against abortion, and God has nothing to do with that. So many confuse religion with conservatism. I'm very fiscally conservative, and moderately socially conservative, but am more liberal in some areas(see gay marriage above). Now I know some Republicans can be pro-choice, some Democrats can be Pro-Life, some Republicans can approve of gay marriage, some democrats can disapprove. There is never any 100% certainty when it comes to any one issue. And I would think family values would be the same. Today it came out that the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, had an affair. Aside from that little snippet, I really liked the guy. We need more politicians like him. He wasn't keen on stimulus money, wasn't keen on adding debt to the current deficit that our children and their children will have to deal with. But now that it has come out that he had an affair, liberals are rejoicing. And I'm a bit confused as to why.

We all know Democrats have affairs. Look at Clinton and Edwards. But for some reason, liberals don't tend to frown on those as much. You even see bumper stickers that say "When Clinton lied, nobody died" But when a Republican has an affair, it's horrid. Apparently they are supposed to be the people of morals and family values. I saw one person today mocking him getting caught, saying something along the lines of "another holier than thou, pusher of family values Republican". Does this imply that Democrats have no family values? This is a pretty stereotypical assumption. I never realized that having family values tied into which party you vote for. People so often say that Republicans tout themselves as the Bible followers. Well I for one am not a bible follower, and am pretty conservative, and I'm sure I am not the only one out there.

Jon Minus Nine

2009-06-24T12:41:00.005-04:00

Ok, so what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't touch on the drama that is Jon and Kate Plus 8. I could go on about how they exploit their children(they do, as they do every aspect of their lives, including their impending divorce), about how big of a snatch Kate is(a mega C U Next Tuesday), or about Jon's cheating(probably did, don't condone, but with a wife like Kate, can't say I blame him). I'll sum that up briefly by saying that it's all around a sad situation, especially for the kids. Their lives are already spent in front of a camera. No family moment is spent just to do something together, but for a photo op. Each of their "special outings" is basically to make a show out of. Now they will sit in the middle of the media circus that is their parent's divorce. Hell, even their parent's divorce was made into an episode of their show. Perhaps without the show things could have been different. Perhaps if Kate would have treated her husband with a little respect in front of national television cameras, things could have been different. Perhaps if Jon could have been a grown man and a)stood up for himself or b)handled this in a dignified manor(ie not going out and partying), things could have been different. But it's not. Let's hope that the years of therapy the children will go through will help them find peace someday.

Onto my actual point. Here is my theory. I believe Jon feels cheated. Married young, had a billion kids in too short of a time, didn't get to sow his wild oats. And now he's doing so. It explains everything. Getting his ears pierced, hair plugs, going out with younger girls, partying. He is trying to relive 1997, before he was saddled with all of this responsibility. Apparently he is taking things a little to far, as he is now attempting to dress like a 16 year old boy in 1997...

I mean really Jon, tigers on your jeans? You are preparing for a huge battle over custody, ok over assets, and you are caught wearing Ed Hardy and tiger jeans? I'd find a different lawyer, one who might advise you not to be seen in public wearing things like this. You need to look professional, and the partying and girls don't help, but this really puts you over the edge.

The Real Housewives of...

2009-06-23T14:24:00.004-04:00

Orange County. New Jersey. New York. Can I just say I love this smut? Nothing helps me escape from my mundane and meager existence(I know, I know, it isn't that bad) better than these rich bitches going behind each others backs and at each others throats. Now I did prefer the original Orange County, until New Jersey came along. Being originally from New Jersey, I felt like I was watching a little part of me in there. Except without the money. And the fancy car. And the designer clothes(unless Old Navy counts as designer). And the perky, fake breasts. But the part that will toss a table a la Theresa. I mean, I can connect with these women. Behind all the money and glamour that these women have, they are really just regular old girls just like you and me who will flip a dinner table over when someone talks down to them. And that comforts me.

Stuff I Love #1

2009-06-22T18:38:00.010-04:00

After having a little boy, I have become fully engrossed in all of the joys that come with having a little girl. I love dresses and tights and all of the pink. But I was never a fan of the headbands and bows on babies. I always thought they were gaudy. But that was until I came across cute headbands and bows!! And now I am totally addicted. If you get decent looks bows and decent looking headbands, they are super cute. And since we've moved to North Carolina, I came across a few local ladies who sell hairbows and headbands!! Madelyn has no hair, so nothing to clip the bows to, and that's where the headbands come in. Here are some of the finished products...

Madelyn in a custom pink bow. The bows can be purchased already made or you can custom order a bow. A bow to match every outfit and a bow for every holiday!!

And bows to match diapers!!

Madelyn has 7 bows, and I'm far from done. You can find the person who makes these bows on Facebook, just search for Kate Leigh Boutique. Or if you'd prefer a link...

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Lincolnton-NC/Kate-Leigh-Boutique/179520230513?ref=ts

Stuff I Like and Stuff I Like Not

2009-06-22T15:25:00.004-04:00

I like stuff. I like stuff a lot. I like a lot of stuff. When you stay at home with your kids, and your life consists of playdates, swishing poop off of diapers in the toilet, laundry, cooking, cleaning, being constant source of entertainment to kids and so on and so on, life becomes pretty dull. Yes, I said it. Being a SAHM is drab and boring and lifeless. I love my kids, I take pride in my household, but this isn't glamorous. And those who revel in this kind of lifestyle, well more power to you. So to make my life a bit more exciting, I get stuff. And when I find stuff I like, I want to spread the word. Word of mouth is the most powerful form of advertising. When I find stuff I really don't like, I again like to spread the word. If a product sucks so badly, you need to know about it. So look for frequent posts about the good and the bad in the world of stuff.

A Quick Intro

2009-06-22T15:17:00.003-04:00

My name is April. I am a 26 year old mother of two, PJ, born 1/23/05(4 yrs old) and Madelyn, born 1/15/09(currently 5 months old). I am the fiance of a wonderful man named Adam. We currently live in North Carolina, transplants from Missouri. I am currently working on a Bachelor's degree in Geology. I've put that on hold to stay home with the kids. So until I get back in school, I am spending my time as a cloth diapering, baby food making, baby wearing, house cleaning, attatchment parenting, slightly neurotic housewife.